I can't go on. I'll go on.

Some days I want to stop.

I slow down, almost to a walk. I do this more than once. Then, I speed up. I just feel slow and unmotivated. I look for distractions in my surroundings. I see a bird or leaf fall. I force myself to think of song lyrics. I wait to be taken away in thought so the steps and miles will go by. 

It's my least liked way to run. But it happens, and each time it does, like today, I embrace it. I applaud myself when I speed up and don't stop. I feel satisfaction when I get lost in good thoughts and realize another half mile is behind me. I am within the moment, even though I am not enjoying it.

Samuel Becket created a succinct existential statement with "I can't go on. I'll go on." Life is absurd and, when you think it about it, that includes someone just running around the neighborhood for fun. But it serves a purpose for me, one of calm and peace. I feel human when I run, something the modern world can't do on its own, with its buttons and wires and gadgets. I am in the world, feeling it on my skin and hearing it in my ears. I am breathing in life with each breath. 

I can't go on. I must go on. That was my day.